As we are still in January and with my birthday coming up, I find myself in a bit of a reflective mood. Don’t worry, I’m not about to get eye liner or browse a local Hot Topic, but it is on my mind. Next month I’ll be turning 26 and I want to see how I stack up against some of the competition out there. While watching “Sportscenter” in my jammies, one other 25 year old clearly stood up as the measuring stick: future NBA Hall of Famer “King” Lebron James. Please sit back and enjoy this journey as we mathematically, philosophically and diabolically examine how I compare to this successful young man.
Ladies and gentlemen…let’s get ready to rumble!
| Philip Roman | Lebron James | |
| Age | 25 | 25 |
| Current salary | Decent enough | $15,779,912 in NBA player salary alone |
| Originally from | Romania/Portland, OR | The gloryhole of America (Ohio) |
| Height | 6’0 (Think airplane comfort) | 6’8 |
| Weight | 175 or so | 250 |
| Points per game | 8 in a pick up game against a terrible opponent | 29.6 in the NBA |
| Most recent injury | Four wisdom teeth removed. Woke up and made odd date rape joke when coming out of anesthesia. | Injury to left eye and ankle from loss to Utah. Possible development of “mangina.” |
| Losses to Utah | None. Not even to a Mormon. | 97-96 loss plus previously mentioned injuries. |
| Additional Sources of Income | Finding change on the street, winning a Zune at last year’s Portland Auto Show, manipulating coworkers into purchasing Starbucks coffee. | Licensing deals worth millions and millions and millions of dollars (should’ve went for Euros though!). |
| Other cool people sharing their name | Saint Philip, Philip Roman who produces “The Simpsons.” | Hmm… |
| Job title | Community Service Representative | Starting Small Forward for the Cleveland Cavaliers |
| Name Origin | Greek for “horse lover.” Gross…and not true! | French meaning “brown haired” which is technically accurate but really he has black hair people. |
| Popularity of Name in the US | Somewhat common | Uncommon |
| Number of sweet ass blogs | 1 | 0 |
| Number of sweet ass podcasts with Matt Gibson | 1 | 0 |
| Number of embarrassing bronze metals at the Olympics | 0 | 1 |
| Car in high school | 1999 base Toyota Corolla | H2 Hummer |
| Number of shows pitched to ABC based on their own life | I’m not arrogant: 0 | 1 (worse, with Ice Cube) |
| D.A.R.E. program grade | Clean | Used marijuana (allegedly) |
| Number of videos that Nike confiscated to save the person the humiliation of getting dunked on | 0 | 1 |
| Tattoos | 0 | Plenty! |
| Ability to make awesome instant “your mom” jokes, 1-10 scale | 10 | Lebron has never said anything about my mom. |
| Fake claim to royalty | No | Yes (“King” James) |
| Can eat an entire pizza then sit and watch TV without working out and not feel bad about it | Yes! | Unlikely due to NBA contract, personal ambitions. |
*Category winner is bolded.
Source: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=1966
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LeBron_James
http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Lebron
http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Philip
Science and statistics clearly demonstrate that despite being an unknown Oregonian with no impressive statistics even when we include Xbox Live, Lebron and I are fairly even in our 25 years of life. I feel much better after this exercise! Now excuse me, I have some Hot Topic coupons to toss…
Please also check out “In Bed” with Matt and Phil at inbedwithmattandphil.com or search for it on iTunes. Next week, guest Zac Ellis rocks all of our worlds!
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