Signs That You’re Ugly and Deep Thoughts

Signs that you’re ugly:

-The gynecology offices seem to be awfully busy these days, as no one has time to see you.

-When you walk by a mirror and see yourself, the mirror itself doesn’t crack, but your confidence does.

-You find yourself relating to central characters in “Beauty & The Beast” and “Elephant Man.”

-Sometimes when you take out the trash, you throw yourself into the dumpster.

-Your makeup application process doesn’t so much highlight your features as it hides them completely.

-A plastic surgeon is your primary care physician.

-People call you “black and white cookie” because you’re white and have a mole covering half of your face.

-The closest you get to a date is when approaching a calendar.

-The proctologist stuck his finger in your nose.

-You’ve been on the cover of “World Weekly News.” Twice.

-Your prom date was your mom…and you had to slip her a ruffie to get her there.

-You are the reason why hotornot.com is no longer popular.

-Suicide passed through your mind but you didn’t want to leave an ugly crime scene.

-Rosie O’Donnell was your goal weight.

-You’ve used tweezers to pull your foreskin back.

-During sex, not only are you wearing a paper bag, you’ve double bagged it!

-People tend to not eat pork around you because they’re afraid you’ll be offended.

-The blue whale called; it wants its record as the largest living mammal back.

-When you go to the zoo, officials immediately toss you into the hippopotamus exhibit.

-Your spine looks like Worf from Star Trek’s head.

-Your pubes are an Amazon forest-like multi-layered wildlife collection.

Is there such a thing as a racist cannibal? Does that mean he eats only those he likes or does he only eat those that he doesn’t like? Is his racism just a taste preference? Thanks Kelsey for making me think about this.

Lame Joke: Thomas Edison is one guy in history that you did not want to fight. Rumor has it, he could knock your lights out.